australian television information archive

"Two years ago we made THE GAMES suggesting that the organisation of the Sydney Olympics was in some way amusing. We deeply regret this and have embarked on making another series to correct this impression."

In The Public Interest

Episode 2.01
Mon, June 19, 2000
Writers: John Clarke & Ross Stevenson
Director: Bruce Permezel

Tonight’s episode of the popular documentary series ‘The Games’ has been held over and will be broadcast at a later date. This evening, we present a special program in the public interest.

Starring: John Clarke, Bryan Dawe, Gina Riley, Nicholas Bell

With: Kim Gyngell as Allan Ronaldson

Special Guests: Michael Kroger, David Hookes, Linda Haggar, Fahey Younger, Bob Ruggiero, Angela Pearman, Ian Henderson

Also Appearing: Simone Ball as Janice Clarke, Tom Budge as Michael Clarke, Tom Smith, Freya Permezel; James, Jesse, Sean & Helena Ruse, Honey Bee Maver

Voice Over: Liz Jackson, Andrew Peters

Talking To The Troops

Episode 2.02
Mon, June 26, 2000
W: John Clarke & Ross Stevenson
D: Bruce Permezel

John, Bryan and Gina have one final talk to the people who have worked so hard to bring the Olympic dream to life. However the team find themselves facing a hostile and unhappy group of workers. As John, Bryan and Gina try to duck and weave the curve balls thrown their way, John reveals his ten-point plan that will ensure a smooth Olympic Games for everyone. Nicholas finds a way to cover cost overruns.

Also Appearing: Gil Tucker as Workman, Katrina Milosevic, Duncan Aney, Andrea Powell as Andrea, Paul McCarthy as Paul, Simon Lee as Staff Member, Tim Schwerdt as Tim

The following are some useful guidelines as we prepare ourselves for this great task. Please keep this list close to your person at all times and refer to it constantly.

1. Australia is a Bi-Cameral Monarchical Federation run by the States and with a right of appeal to the Media. The capital is Canberra. The principal industries are coal and the Olympics.
2. If a visitor comments on the high price of accommodation or Olympic tickets, point out that due to strong economic management, the Australian dollar is roughly equivalent to the American dime.
3. The reason prices seem slightly higher in some instances is Australia's exciting new GST. The long-term benefits of taxation reform far outweigh the relatively minor inconvenience of paying $6.50 for a cup of coffee.
4. If you are with a visitor in a traffic jam in Sydney, say: "This is very unusual. A truck must have tipped over".
5. If it rains during the period of September 15 to October 1, say: "Goodness me. How tremendous. A benediction for Australia's rich farmlands". If it hails, go inside or you might get killed.
6. The Aboriginal population are a happy and largely nomadic people and while we are deeply committed to the improvement of their desperate condition, they are perfectly well. (You might like to mention Cathy Freeman)
7. The name of the man who built the 100 metre track is Mr Jim Wilson of Acme Construction. He also designed and built the triathlon track, a wide range of high quality ticketing machines, the main runway at Sydney Airport and lanes 4 and 5 of the Olympic Swimming Pool.
8. If anyone asks who is paying for these games, say: "No spikka de Inglish".
9. If attending Olympic events, visitors should be advised to eat before leaving home.
10. If attending the swimming, visitors should be advised to take a powerful telescope and a small supply of oxygen if they are above Row F."

Reconciliation

Episode 2.03
Mon, July 03, 2000
W: John Clarke & Ross Stevenson
D: Bruce Permezel

The US Special Ambassador draws attention to the plight of Indigenous Australians and seeks a formal apology from the PM. Matters worsen for the team when two indigenous people reveal that there is now a shooting venue on top of their native land. Nicholas deals with a man who was legally changed, and trademarked, his name to Sydney Olympic Games. Gina tries to get the media interested in covering the torch relay.

Special thanks to: John Howard

Special Guests: Ningali Josie Lawford as Ningali, David Ngoombujarra as David, Adriano Cortese as Adriano Cortese, Randall Berger as Ambassador, Dino Nicolosi as Sydney Olympic Games

Also Starring: Andrew Percy, Sophie Laguna, Sandra Rucins, Tim Schwerdt, Robbie Maver

APOLOGY MADE BY JOHN HOWARD ON THE 3RD OF JULY ON NATIONAL TV

Good evening. My name is John Howard and I'm speaking to you from Sydney, Australia, host city of the year 2000 Olympic Games.

At this important time, and in an atmosphere of international goodwill and national pride, we here in Australia - all of us - would like to make a statement before all nations. Australia, like many countries in the new world, is intensely proud of what it has achieved in the past 200 years.

We are a vibrant and resourceful people. We share a freedom born in the abundance of nature, the richness of the earth, the bounty of the sea. We are the world's biggest island. We have the world's longest coastline. We have more animal species than any other country. Two thirds of the world's birds are native to Australia. We are one of the few countries on earth with our own sky. We are a fabric woven of many colours and it is this that gives us our strength.

However, these achievements have come at great cost. We have been here for 200 years but before that, there was a people living here. For 40,000 years they lived in a perfect balance with the land. There were many Aboriginal nations, just as there were many Indian nations in North America and across Canada, as there were many Maori tribes in New Zealand and Incan and Mayan peoples in South America. These indigenous Australians lived in areas as different from one another as Scotland is from Ethiopia. They lived in an area the size of Western Europe. They did not even have a common language. Yet they had their own laws, their own beliefs, their own ways of understanding.

We destroyed this world. We often did not mean to do it. Our forebears, fighting to establish themselves in what they saw as a harsh environment, were creating a national economy. But the Aboriginal world was decimated. A pattern of disease and dispossession was established. Alcohol was introduced. Social and racial differences were allowed to become fault-lines. Aboriginal families were broken up. Sadly, Aboriginal health and education are responsibilities we have still yet to address successfully.

I speak for all Australians in expressing a profound sorrow to the Aboriginal people. I am sorry. We are sorry. Let the world know and understand, that it is with this sorrow, that we as a nation will grow and seek a better, a fairer and a wiser future. Thank you.

IOC Man

Episode 2.04
Mon, July 10, 2000
W: John Clarke & Ross Stevenson
D: Bruce Permezel

The team look after an IOC delegate from the States. Gina reveals to the media the Games will not make a loss. John is briefed on the desicion not to replace storm-damaged trees that were planted as an environmental initiative. Nicholas rebrands the Games as "Australia's Olympics", and it definitely not a way to offload the cost onto the rest of country.

Special Guests: Bill Ten Eyck as Bill Ten Eyck, Jane Conroy as Detective Conroy, Carole Browne

Also Starring: Tim Schwerdt

Inquiry

Episode 2.05
Mon, July 17, 2000
W: John Clarke & Ross Stevenson
D: Bruce Permezel

Each member of the Games team must face an inquiry into their practices. The system of cheques and balances which operates in an organisation of this kind ensures that the public gets the very best service, open access to decision making and full recourse to the best legal system available anywhere in the world.

Special Guests: John Arnold as Dennis Hughes QC, Bernadette Schwerdt, Matthew King, Alan Hopgood

Also Starring: Tim Schwerdt as Tim

Pommy Visitor

Episode 2.06
Mon, July 24, 2000
W: John Clarke & Ross Stevenson
D: Bruce Permezel

Consistent with our duties as host nation for the Games, we welcome a visitor from the English bid for the 2012 Olympics, here on secondment. As in many other aspects of our relationship with Britain, it is sometimes difficult to tell whether we are helping, being helped or have simply landed on the wrong beach.

Special Guests: Brian Lipson as Neil McPherson, Maxine McKew as Maxine McKew

Also Appearing: Tim Schwerdt as Tim, Eddie McShortall as Taxi Driver

Uncredited: Frank Magree as Furniture Dealer

Immigration

Episode 2.07
Mon, July 31, 2000
W: John Clarke & Ross Stevenson
D: Bruce Permezel

Any potential "Aussie Gold Rush" at these Olympics can be expected to profit, as gold rushes in Australia have done in earlier days, from immigration. Freedom-loving peoples everywhere who yearn to start a new life in this beautiful country, should apply directly to the Minister for Sport, stating their name, event and shirt-size.

The Games team must deal with the lies coming out of the Minister's office regarding immigration.

Special Guests: Ross Campbell [Ross Stevenson] as Todor Stoyanov, Matthew Green as Jack Hughes, Tammy McCarthy as Customs Officer

Also Appearing: Tim Schwerdt, Larry Lawson, Jeffrey Pacey, Tony Payne

Job Search

Episode 2.08
Mon, August 07, 2000
W: John Clarke & Ross Stevenson
D: Bruce Permezel

In the uncertain world of international logistics and sports management, prospects for the future must be considered carefully. Meanwhile, at sea, the piranha play happily in the afternoon sun.

The Games are getting closer and so are the problems. Gina, Bryan and Nicholas have started to look for future employment after the Games finish.

Special Guests: Brett Cousins as Consultant, George Prataris as Kostas Dimitriades, Tammy Fitzgerald as Waitress

Also Appearing: Tim Schwerdt as Tim, Alfons Beutelschiess as Barber, Deborah Robertson as Receptionist

Strike

Episode 2.09
Mon, August 14, 2000
W: John Clarke & Ross Stevenson
D: Bruce Permezel

The Olympics offer Australia an opportunity not just to showcase our wonderful country and a range of endangered marsupials. The event will also bring to this country an international Cultural Festival featuring the very best in the visual arts, music and dance. There will also be some sport.

The Games team must try to avoid major industrial action which could ruin the impending Olympics. Bryan is concerned that people are trying to overcharge the games committee and goes penny-pinching.

Special Guests: Tony Martin as Jack O'Shea, Andrew Curry as Andrew 'Kid' Curry

Also Appearing: Dave Graney as Dave Graney, Clare Moore as Clare Moore, Sofie Laguna as Secretary, Antonio *¿#@! Falvo as Taxi Driver, Tim Schwerdt as Tim

Solar

Episode 2.10
Mon, August 21, 2000
W: John Clarke & Ross Stevenson
D: Bruce Permezel

Head of Administration and Logistics, John Clarke, and his colleagues, Bryan Dawe, Head of Accounts, Budgeting and Finance, and Gina Riley, Marketing and Liaison Manager, are sizzling in the heat of the final countdown to the Opening Ceremony. As the Games draw closer, the Games team try to devise ways of supplementing their dwindling revenue.

Nicholas wants to save money by getting John to sack Gina. The team find a way not to accept the loan of Picasso's 'Guernica' painting for display during the games.

Special Guests: Katrina Milosevic as Katrina Milosevic - Cultural Officer, Matthew King as Sam Grahamson, Tamara Saulwick as Tamara - Financial Systems Analyst

Also Appearing: Tim Schwerdt as Tim, Phil Moye as Waiter

Sponsor and Media Discontent

Episode 2.11
Mon, August 28, 2000
W: John Clarke & Ross Stevenson
D: Bruce Permezel

Would the person who borrowed the synopsis for this episode, please return it to the office immediately. To have this sort of thing happening at this stage is just an embarrassment. The whole world is watching and this is precisely the sort of problem we were trying to avoid. Grow up.

Sponsors are disappointed with the small number of tickets they've received. John makes disparaging comments about sponsors and is suspended.

Special Guests: John O'May as George Birmingham

Also Appearing: Trudy Hellier as Trudy, Leah Vandenberg as Leah, Chris Kirby as Sponsor One, Olivia Hamnett as Sponsor Two, Iain Murton as Sponsor Three, Debra Lawrence as Sponsor Four, Tim Sullivan as Taxi Driver, Peter Mattessi as Courier, Damien Richardson as Delivery Man, Chris Milne as Bernard Milne, Marie-Louise Walker, Tim Schwerdt as Tim

Four Corners

Episode 2.12
Mon, September 04, 2000
W: John Clarke & Ross Stevenson
D: Bruce Permezel

With the opening ceremony being beamed to a global television audience next week and with only 100,000 tickets left to sell and the funding shortfall now visible from the air, the Telstra Directory Service has just had a call from four horsemen.

The ABC's Four Corners is planning an exposé on the games. John and Bryan have been secretly recorded advocating that the rich pay more taxes. A much bigger story overtakes the exposé and leaves Nicholas with egg on his face.

Special Guests: Peter Curtin as Mr. A. Cabsav, David Adamson, John Higginson, Ken Radley as Motivational Speaker

Also Appearing: Tim Schwerdt as Tim, Lisa Baumwol as Lisa, Fiona Thorn as Host

The End

Episode 2.13 (finale)
Mon, September 11, 2000
W: John Clarke & Ross Stevenson
D: Bruce Permezel

Unable to resolve her difficulties with Volkov, Elisabeth Bennett decides to avenge the death of Magwitch and to set the Pequod's course to Africa and find Mr. Kurts. John, Bryan, Gina and Nicholas go along for the ride.

The games team cope with the hype as the opening ceremony draws near, but there is a problem finding an artist to perform at the closing ceremony.

Special Guests: John Farnham as Himself, Betty Bobbit as Betty, Doug Bowles as Doug

Also Appearing: The Other Tony Martin as Barman, Cameron Harris, Jo Pearson as Interviewer, Tim Schwerdt as Tim

Voice Over: Ross Stevenson